Aitch-Bar

Two Almost Physicists With Almost Something To Say

Midweekly Linktopus

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Congratulations! You are the first person to read this alt-text!

If Linktopus sees one more article about the iPad Mini he’s going to kill you all

Since it’s rainy all of a sudden and I suffer from the autumnal version of seasonal affective disorder, I haven’t rocked you all with my truth recently. I think typing out the entire Chang opus probably ruined my respect for the written word. Oh well.

\scriptstyle\Box  Terrible Sex Advice. I had a girlfriend who used to read Cosmo. So while she was frantically casting around her room for the car keys she lost again, I’d casually flip through it to avoid wondering whether we’d actually be able to get to the airport in time. Between the onslaught of half-baked and frequently contradictory information about weight control and celebrity interviews that always seem to have been conducted entirely with publicists, there was the really bad sex advice. The attitude of it was usually actually fairly positive, if they stripped out all the tips themselves you’d just end up with something along the lines of: “try new things, be enthusiastic, don’t be afraid to take charge, and have fun!”…and that would be great advice. And there were 50/50 odds the flight would be delayed anyway. But…unfortunately for the women, (and men) of America, they can’t just write that over and over again every month, so it is easy to see how those articles eventually morphed into a freaky netherworld of activities no one in their right mind would actually engage in. Every other one seemed to involve a food. A weird, or at least messy, food, because they did all the ones involving chocolate sauce or strawberries—the only two sexy foodstuffs.

Someone else has noticed how funny those articles are. Those someone elses are Nerve.com, who have a running series of these, with commentary. Such as this one. And this one. You get the idea.

Before I let this link live as itself, I must mention the most memorable of these cosmo tips. It was thus, approximately: Find a smooth stone, possible while wondering in a meadow with your boyfriend. Is it smooth? If not, make sure to run it under a faucet for a while. So you have a smooth stone then, right? Good! Now, while intimacy is occurring with your boyfriend, stick it on his perineum. That was an actual tip that someone put in a magazine. Harrowing.

\scriptstyle\Box  Seagulls do the darndest things! Like stealing little cameras.

\scriptstyle\Box  Stephen Colbert’s new book, reviewed by, of course, Stephen Colbert.

\scriptstyle\Box  List of common phrases derived from obsolete technology. And then this even longer list. Including favorites such as: upper case, lower case, groggy, leeway, skyscraper, and many more!

\scriptstyle\Box  Aggressive takedown of the worst, but most inexplicably published comic strip, “Close To Home.” If you are like me, you have often wondered why this is a thing that is in newspapers.

It wasn’t funny the first time.

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Author: (Ryan) Michney

Dread Astronomer

One thought on “Midweekly Linktopus

  1. We’ve started a daily Close To Home recreation exercise based on tackling this very issue.

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