Aitch-Bar

Two Almost Physicists With Almost Something To Say


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This Week in Wreak

In counterpoint to Ryan’s affluent shoppery, there is the market of Real America, and the signature publications thereof. We live in the post-Gutenberg era, and quite separately have mastered the art and science of ballistics, so it is only natural to expect combinations of the two. What I am never quite prepared for is the gusto with which these combinations are made.

Allow me to BabelFish that for you: Damn there are a bunch of magazines about guns in this grocery store.

I list from the top left:

  • Rifle Firepower
  • Pocket Pistols (note double-checked, this is a firearms-related publication)
  • Crossbow Revolution
  • Personal & Home Defense
  • Guns
  • Gun Collector
  • Small Arms
  • Special Weapons
  • Black Guns
  • Gun
  • Bowhunter
  • Guns & Ammo
  • Concealed Carry Handguns
  • Military Surplus
  • Traditional Bowhunter

 

The greatest part was something I only just realized after a detailed analysis of the snapshot of the rack: To the very right of these selections I can spy titles including Disney Princess, The Amazing Spider-Man, Spongebob, and other colorful booklets. The children’s literature is directly adjacent to the murder section. I have not legitimately fathered a child (as you may recall), so I cannot opine on this with true conviction, but personally I would at least get a NASCAR buffer in between those two selections.


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This Week in Teak

I'm on (wooden) boat!

None of that fiberglass bullshit

Our local supermarket gives off an unavoidable essence of upscale-ness. It caters to the part of the city where all the Volvo drivers live, but isn’t so unspeakably epicurean that they don’t have normal food, or charge significantly more for those normal things–it’s just that they also have fine cheeses and 20 different kinds of gourmet cured salmon. This isn’t my natural environment, so I often find myself noticing things that denote this understated opulence, and the aspect that best expresses it are the magazines. So I’ve been noting down the best magazine titles around the checkout, and I think you have to agree that they are incredible.

Decanter
Chilled
Discover Britain
Harvard Business Review
Wooden Boat
Nantucket
English Home
English Garden
Wallpaper
Newport Life
Newport Living
Maine
Jewelry Artist
Wine Maker
Luxury Pools
Cruising World
The Affluent Traveler
Ocean Home

As stand in line to check out, I wonder how Luxury Pools sustains a readership between the people who already own a luxury pool, and the people who simply envy the luxury pools in the magazine. But then I just pay for my frozen pizzas and think about where I would go if I were an affluent traveler.